Ok, I was looking for clothes styles that were immodest of a story I'm writing and another co-writing, and I came across this discussion forum and they were talking about wedding dresses today being aforementioned subject.
Here is the website http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=340779
I found it interesting that I agree with them. Actually, I agree in the fact that a lot of clothes out there are immodest, and I'm only 18 her folks. If you read the whole page, it sounds like a bunch of old women talking about younger women. However, I must say this; if you think that having your boobs showing all the time and you complain about men looking at you, change your shirt.
My dad was telling me one of his many stories about when he was in service. This one was about how all the ladies who went out to tan in bikinis and even more revealing clothes (poor choice of words) were complaining about the passing men looking at them and other things. Long story short, the head honcho called a meeting and told the ladies flat out to either don't go out at all, put some clothes on, or put up something so they don't look. Some ladies heeded him, but others continued to go public.
The way he explained it was that they were advertising themselves to guys. I agree. The message that guys get when they see a girl's bod in nothing but postage stamps and dental floss, they think "0o0, eye-candy!" or some other perverted thing to put it nicely. That is how sluts dress, and I personally don't wish to be seen as such. It's very demeaning for someone to think you as such. That is why I would like to go into the fashion industry, so I can show people that you can look great without showing skin.
Ok, rants' over, back to finding gryphon pictures.....
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
That Time of Year
Well, as the title says, it's that time of year again. Christmas. Every time around I have to reflect on things that happened and might happen. Often I get lost in thought for hours at a time, letting my mind wander in daydream. Often it's the same thing every year; how old I will be, the responsibilities involved with that age, and just plain old reminiscing.
I'll be 18 on December 26, and starting about 2 weeks ago I felt that I didn't want to grow up. Don't get me wrong, it will be nice to be seen as an adult, but I feel in my spirit that I will be losing something that day from within. I guess being born in the morning can do that. Anyway, I think I will be losing my innocence that comes with childhood, that state of mind that you can be open to ideas and trust in people easier. The trust has been a big issue with me. So many people have lied to me it's hard to see people in a good light, even my family.
But I will be frank and say that I've screwed up pretty bad myself. Yeah I've lied to people as well, and I don't think lying is a bad thing only if you do it to protect. Oh, I've done it for selfish reasons as well, no denying it, but who hasn't that's not human? However, it seems that when you are anonymous the truth is easier to say, don't you agree?
All of these things tend to come to mind at this time. Thinking about things that you normally wouldn't, as if the people you see will be that last time you see them, and those will be the last thoughts you think, the last meal, smile, hug or laugh. You relish the good time, because somehow you know that things will be different from then on. See, this is just my experience, nothing more. I have always felt that there was always something left undone, but I never know what exactly. Maybe it's because I have always been on the receiving end of things, and rarely the giver. That is partially because I don't have a job right now, but maybe also because I had never thought to give unless I knew what they needed. Being an introverted person, that is hard to do. Christmas should be the time to loosen up, or at least one would think. But people whom i usually ignore suddenly come up to me sets me off in that distrustful mood. That make me think you want something from me, and not just my friendship, which I do not give out lightly. I can name only three people for whom I have given my total trust in, two of which I hold in my heart to this day. Everyone else has yet to prove themselves.
So what to do? Well, enjoy the moment, laugh, and be merry as allowed, and attempt to be cheerful. I tend to find it hard to make the right reaction when necessary. So may your thoughts be better then mine this holiday season and Merry Christmas.
I'll be 18 on December 26, and starting about 2 weeks ago I felt that I didn't want to grow up. Don't get me wrong, it will be nice to be seen as an adult, but I feel in my spirit that I will be losing something that day from within. I guess being born in the morning can do that. Anyway, I think I will be losing my innocence that comes with childhood, that state of mind that you can be open to ideas and trust in people easier. The trust has been a big issue with me. So many people have lied to me it's hard to see people in a good light, even my family.
But I will be frank and say that I've screwed up pretty bad myself. Yeah I've lied to people as well, and I don't think lying is a bad thing only if you do it to protect. Oh, I've done it for selfish reasons as well, no denying it, but who hasn't that's not human? However, it seems that when you are anonymous the truth is easier to say, don't you agree?
All of these things tend to come to mind at this time. Thinking about things that you normally wouldn't, as if the people you see will be that last time you see them, and those will be the last thoughts you think, the last meal, smile, hug or laugh. You relish the good time, because somehow you know that things will be different from then on. See, this is just my experience, nothing more. I have always felt that there was always something left undone, but I never know what exactly. Maybe it's because I have always been on the receiving end of things, and rarely the giver. That is partially because I don't have a job right now, but maybe also because I had never thought to give unless I knew what they needed. Being an introverted person, that is hard to do. Christmas should be the time to loosen up, or at least one would think. But people whom i usually ignore suddenly come up to me sets me off in that distrustful mood. That make me think you want something from me, and not just my friendship, which I do not give out lightly. I can name only three people for whom I have given my total trust in, two of which I hold in my heart to this day. Everyone else has yet to prove themselves.
So what to do? Well, enjoy the moment, laugh, and be merry as allowed, and attempt to be cheerful. I tend to find it hard to make the right reaction when necessary. So may your thoughts be better then mine this holiday season and Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
This Will BE Short, I Promise!
OK, today I was watching Bleach episode 125, where Ichigo is fighting his Hollow self. Kenpachi shows up and says to Ichigo, "....And anyone who truly loves power, loves to measure that power in battle. It’s a simple fact! The question is, do we fight in order to gain more power or do we gain more power in order to fight; I haven’t figured it out yet. " I like Kenny for that. He is straight to the point and doesn't beat around the bush.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Senior Project Finally Done!!!!
Finally! After long hours staying up, worrying, fuming the night before away, I have presented my senior project!!! Lord knows I was nervous....I about collapsed from relief when I got it done.
I think the thing that got the judges off guard was that I walked in barefoot. Actually there were a lot of people who were asking about what my senior project was. I should have just made a T-shirt saying, "My Senior Project was on Barefoot running vs Shod Running and the Pros and Cons thereof." It was so annoying to have to say it so much, but I guess the slight fraying helped in the presentation overall. The first grade I got the first time I presented in front of my teacher (different then The Teacher) was 87. That was good, but there were some major flaws in my presentation that I fixed before the final one.
When I went in front of the judges, I got an overall grade of a 93. That was better then what I got before, but they still got me on the same thing that lowered my grade in the first place. I didn't talk about my mentor enough, even though I added some more things about her within the project.
But overall, I think I did good, not just based on the grade, but the fact that they asked questions. It showed that I got them curious enough to ask in the first place, and that I could answer them according to subject. One lady asked me If I would be doing barefoot walking or running more often and I said yes. The other asked if I usually walk the way I came in, and I gave her a brief history about how I had never liked shoes, and how I was right. I told her that I have walked barefoot in the snow before just recently. So it was fun and interesting.
I think the thing that got the judges off guard was that I walked in barefoot. Actually there were a lot of people who were asking about what my senior project was. I should have just made a T-shirt saying, "My Senior Project was on Barefoot running vs Shod Running and the Pros and Cons thereof." It was so annoying to have to say it so much, but I guess the slight fraying helped in the presentation overall. The first grade I got the first time I presented in front of my teacher (different then The Teacher) was 87. That was good, but there were some major flaws in my presentation that I fixed before the final one.
When I went in front of the judges, I got an overall grade of a 93. That was better then what I got before, but they still got me on the same thing that lowered my grade in the first place. I didn't talk about my mentor enough, even though I added some more things about her within the project.
But overall, I think I did good, not just based on the grade, but the fact that they asked questions. It showed that I got them curious enough to ask in the first place, and that I could answer them according to subject. One lady asked me If I would be doing barefoot walking or running more often and I said yes. The other asked if I usually walk the way I came in, and I gave her a brief history about how I had never liked shoes, and how I was right. I told her that I have walked barefoot in the snow before just recently. So it was fun and interesting.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Again 2
I forgot to mention on the last entry that I had lost my appetite in the last few days. I have not had the desire to eat, feeling that I am just wasting my time doing so. I also have felt that I have lost something, but something that was good, and so I miss it in a way. I do not remember the last time I felt this way. Maybe I am just thinking too hard.
I do not know. maybe that pity party is still not over, or, I have merely become an adult in my way of thinking. I do not like the idea, considering that I never wanted to grow up in the first place. But circumstances being what they are, I must.
I do not know. maybe that pity party is still not over, or, I have merely become an adult in my way of thinking. I do not like the idea, considering that I never wanted to grow up in the first place. But circumstances being what they are, I must.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Again
It seems that this has become more of a journal then anything, huh.
Last night, I cried. Not the way I wanted to of course, but enough to let me let loose some pressure. I had realized why I was crying and why I wanted to. The sorrow, the pain, sounds like your usual pity party, right? For a moment I thought so, but I saw that not only was I crying for my own pain, but for the pain my family has endured from my blood-father. I call him that in private because that is all he is to me, and because he has wounded all of us to where I want nothing more to do with him. In many ways I wish that my parents would get a divorce, and the other few people who know what is going on think so as well.
My Teacher talks to my mother almost on a daily bases, and they have talked about the marriage. She is one of the few that knows. He has become violent in the way he deals with my mother. Mother told her so. One morning while sis's and me were getting ready for school, he turned up his music and pulled our mother into their--no, its hers, he sleeps on the couch all the time now--bedroom and proceeded to yell at her for no reason. I only heard bits and pieces of it, all the while I got them ready for school and sent them out of earshot of what he was saying. I stayed behind and started to pray. "If the bus comes before they stop," I told my sisters, "I am staying behind to help mom." It was spiritual warfare going on in there, and I had to help, so all I did was pray. I must mention that true praying is quite taxing on ones' spirit, and considering I know how to use my Sword a bit more, I used it.
However, when I heard the crash in the room, I desperately wanted to call 911. I prayed all the harder, praying that mom would be alright. To make the two hours short, I did not have to skip school and call 911, but he still looked like he wanted to do more then break a few things. I went to school numb, my hands heavy from the spiritual tension. Numb to whatever wanted to break out of me then. Numb and unable to function in my usual way that day. Even my friend somehow knew I wasn't right that whole day. I was thinking about everything that he did to us for no reason whatsoever. Some idiot
wanted to mess with me in after school, and he did not know when to quit. He thought I was messing around with him, when I told him to let go of my jacket. I warned him, and by then everyone knew to NOT mess with me right then, I was so fed up. The tutor was wise enough to not let it go any farther and told him to let go. She heard my tone and knew that I would hurt him mercilessly if I was allowed to continue.
All of this pain, blood-father should have just gone into that room himself and yelled at the boy who messed with me. He does not see for he does not want to see what he is doing to us. He did it with my older sister, and now he is doing it with us younger three expecting different results. Insanity. The Bible says to honor your mother and father. However, how are you supposed to honor someone whom you have nothing good to say or think about? That is my dilemma here, along with the struggle to continually forgive him every time he screws up, which seems to be more and more often now.
You know, come to think of it, he never said a good word about his own father either. Always death when it came to him. Funny how you pass on things to your children unintentionally, huh?
The last entry I put in was about not being able to cry. I do not know which is scarier, not being able to cry, or crying until my head hurts every night over circumstances I did not wish upon myself or wish to place on anyone else. I hope that if their is anything that I could do within my power, I could protect my sisters from having to hear and see all what I have. In many ways I wish I could have stopped him myself. Ah, but that is a fantasy unless I....no, that would not be right either. I must do what I can so they do not have to suffer without spilling blood as he has done.
Last night, I cried. Not the way I wanted to of course, but enough to let me let loose some pressure. I had realized why I was crying and why I wanted to. The sorrow, the pain, sounds like your usual pity party, right? For a moment I thought so, but I saw that not only was I crying for my own pain, but for the pain my family has endured from my blood-father. I call him that in private because that is all he is to me, and because he has wounded all of us to where I want nothing more to do with him. In many ways I wish that my parents would get a divorce, and the other few people who know what is going on think so as well.
My Teacher talks to my mother almost on a daily bases, and they have talked about the marriage. She is one of the few that knows. He has become violent in the way he deals with my mother. Mother told her so. One morning while sis's and me were getting ready for school, he turned up his music and pulled our mother into their--no, its hers, he sleeps on the couch all the time now--bedroom and proceeded to yell at her for no reason. I only heard bits and pieces of it, all the while I got them ready for school and sent them out of earshot of what he was saying. I stayed behind and started to pray. "If the bus comes before they stop," I told my sisters, "I am staying behind to help mom." It was spiritual warfare going on in there, and I had to help, so all I did was pray. I must mention that true praying is quite taxing on ones' spirit, and considering I know how to use my Sword a bit more, I used it.
However, when I heard the crash in the room, I desperately wanted to call 911. I prayed all the harder, praying that mom would be alright. To make the two hours short, I did not have to skip school and call 911, but he still looked like he wanted to do more then break a few things. I went to school numb, my hands heavy from the spiritual tension. Numb to whatever wanted to break out of me then. Numb and unable to function in my usual way that day. Even my friend somehow knew I wasn't right that whole day. I was thinking about everything that he did to us for no reason whatsoever. Some idiot
wanted to mess with me in after school, and he did not know when to quit. He thought I was messing around with him, when I told him to let go of my jacket. I warned him, and by then everyone knew to NOT mess with me right then, I was so fed up. The tutor was wise enough to not let it go any farther and told him to let go. She heard my tone and knew that I would hurt him mercilessly if I was allowed to continue.
All of this pain, blood-father should have just gone into that room himself and yelled at the boy who messed with me. He does not see for he does not want to see what he is doing to us. He did it with my older sister, and now he is doing it with us younger three expecting different results. Insanity. The Bible says to honor your mother and father. However, how are you supposed to honor someone whom you have nothing good to say or think about? That is my dilemma here, along with the struggle to continually forgive him every time he screws up, which seems to be more and more often now.
You know, come to think of it, he never said a good word about his own father either. Always death when it came to him. Funny how you pass on things to your children unintentionally, huh?
The last entry I put in was about not being able to cry. I do not know which is scarier, not being able to cry, or crying until my head hurts every night over circumstances I did not wish upon myself or wish to place on anyone else. I hope that if their is anything that I could do within my power, I could protect my sisters from having to hear and see all what I have. In many ways I wish I could have stopped him myself. Ah, but that is a fantasy unless I....no, that would not be right either. I must do what I can so they do not have to suffer without spilling blood as he has done.
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